Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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