Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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