The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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