The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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