using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
