Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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