Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
