I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
