You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
