1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
