Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
