i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
