i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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