...so i touched it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
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