Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize