theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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