Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize