Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
