I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
