Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
