sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My dick has a subreddit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize