Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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