11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
