that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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