Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
