Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
