When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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