There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh god the rape fog is back!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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