You're completely useless in the revolution.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Randomize