You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
