Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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