Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
