sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
