Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

Dual....:-)

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

but fathers day is next sunday

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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(928): View more from Arizona

This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

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(587): View more from Alberta

Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone

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(812): View more from Indiana

Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.

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(406): View more from Montana

But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers

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(419): View more from Ohio

I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals

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