Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
