you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
