Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
