I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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