how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
