All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
