wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
