I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
