Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
