god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
