bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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