Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
