Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
