she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
