i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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