I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
