'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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