idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
