Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
