my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
