Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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