just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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