chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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