There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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