She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
