I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
