btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
