2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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