just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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