Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
