Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
