Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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