Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
