I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize