i just wanna soil my oats bro
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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