thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
