I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize