Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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