I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize