I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
