It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
