i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
