i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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