You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
