Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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