Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
