That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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