i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
