i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
