my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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