I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
