After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
