Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize