Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
