He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize