I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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