forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
