does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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