We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
