we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize