if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
