i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
