I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize