I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
