Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
