She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
