Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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