Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
