There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
